Am I There, Yet?

Some people are obsessed with famous people, others are just not interested.  I think I would consider myself to be middle of the road on this one.  I’ve never written a fan letter.  I don’t buy every ticket to every concert I’m able to attend.  I always thought I would keep my cool whenever I saw somebody famous.  In some cases I have, in others, ummm…not so much.  Here are a couple of my brushes with fame.

I think I was about 15 when this story took place.  I went to a private school and we had a fund raising jog-a-thon one year.  The school bought some tickets to an upcoming Sonics/Bulls game as an incentive for students to make money.  My best friend and I were among the top money makers and we got to skip school to drive to
Seattle to watch the game.  It was a fun game, although I don’t remember much about it.  J  I couldn’t even tell you who won.  At the end of the game we were looking for some of our friends and we saw a couple guys we know on the floor.  We decided to follow them so we made our way down to the floor and out some doors where a large crowd had gathered.  We soon discovered why there were so many people out there.  The Bulls locker room was on the other side of a chain link fence and some of the players were coming out.  I had my camera with me and took a picture of Scottie Pippin when he came out.  Funny thing is that I only got the back of his head.  LOL!!!  Soon Michael Jordan stepped out of the locker room.  I was so excited, I squealed.  *blush*  My friend and I wanted to see him again so we followed him to the end of the chain link fence.  The players had to walk through a crowd to get to their bus.  I lost track of where Michael was.  We made our way closer to the bus trying to see if we could get a better glimpse of him.  All of a sudden I looked up and he was walking right in front of me.  He had three body guards hugging him and trying to make their way around the edge of the crowd.  I screamed.  *blush again* and then reached out and grabbed his arm as he passed.  My friend did the same thing.  I don’t think he noticed.  I still remember the look on his face and I sure as heck didn’t expect him to be that tall. 

Ahh…fond memories.

My second brush with fame wasn’t even an interaction with a famous person.  After I graduated from high school I moved to Denver.  I got into a car accident while I was there and my dad called his cousin and asked him and his wife if they could pick me up and take care of me for a couple of days.  They had a daughter who was a nanny for John Elway’s children.  I had never met her and she wanted to meet me.  She was working because John and his wife were on vacation, so she invited me and her parents over to the Elway’s home.  I didn’t get to meet John (much to my dad’s disappointment…he’s a huge fan) but I met his kids, sat on their couch and drank some water out of one of their glasses. 

Those are my two biggies.  I have a few minor brushes.  I went to school with Tiffany Brissette who was the star of a not-so-well know TV show in the 80’s called Small Wonder.  Tiffany played a little robot girl in this show and wore a red polka-dotted dress with a white apron.  Tiffany and I were in 8^th grade together.  I wonder if she remembers me?  She was always very nice.  A little whiney at times, but then again, we were only 13.  I’d hate to think of how people remember me when I was in 8^th grade.  J I hope she’s doing well.  I haven’t seen her on TV for a long time.

I also know a politician.  He went to school with my dad and uncle.  He’s a former advisor for George Bush (Sr.) and an author, but I really don’t care to mention his name. 

Ah, yes…fun stories to tell.  Not much meaning behind them.  Wish I could tell you that I was best friends with somebody like Julia Roberts or that I was Donald Trump’s heir, but nope…nothing too exciting here.

That’s a question I get sometimes from people who aren’t stay at home parents.  The truth is that I don’t really know.  I can get to the end of my day and I can’t figure out how I got there.  So…today I had an epiphany.  I decided to document my day to find out the answer.  The following is the results of my experiment.  Here it goes…

7:30 – L comes into my room and wakes me up by saying, “T is moving the chair into the kitchen!”  I say, “Why is he doing that?”  “I don’t know.”  “O.K.  I’m coming.  Come and give me a hug first.”  She comes and gives me a hug and then says, “Mom, you need to brush your teeth.”

By 8:00 I had fixed the kids scrambled eggs and I was making oatmeal and slicing strawberries for my breakfast.  During that time the kids asked for hot chocolate so I made hot chocolate (with their help) and cleaned up their egg mess.  I almost sprinkled chili powder in my oatmeal instead of cinnamon.  I was pretty distracted.  My oatmeal was cold by the time I ate it, but the strawberries were excellent.

8:30 – I planned on putting a chicken into the slow cooker for dinner.  I got the bird out of the refrigerator and it was still frozen.  I took it out of the freezer on Monday!  I thought I’d try it anyways, got out the recipe and noticed that I was supposed to marinade it for 24 hours.  So, I prepared the marinade, poured it over the bird and put it all back in the fridge.  I’ll figure out what to make dinner later.  I sat down to enjoy some coffee and update my grocery list.  I called A and invited her over for coffee tomorrow.  Meanwhile, L was showing T her favorite computer game so things were pretty peaceful.

9:00 – T got a bit antsy and hit L.  So much for the peacefulness.  After his timeout, I put both kids in the tub for bath time.  I became ambitious and thought I’d try to clean the bathroom while the kids played in the bath.  I collected the supplies I needed.  But, between washing hair and bodies and collecting clean clothes and monitoring T with his cup (he loves to pour water out of the tub) no cleaning happened.  I pulled them out of the tub.  T wanted to brush his teeth.  I grabbed his toothbrush and remembered that he had used it to “clean” the carpet in his bedroom last night.  I boiled some water, picked out all the hair and fuzz out of the toothbrush and boiled the head for three minutes.  During that time T found my coffee and decided to drink it.  I finally got him into the bathroom to brush his teeth.  I came out and got L dressed and brushed her hair.  I went in to check on T and he had discovered the toothpaste and soap and it was everywhere, including his toothbrush and his clean clothes I had just put on him.  I threw away his toothbrush and made a note to buy another one before tonight.  I went out to the kitchen where L was finishing up her hot chocolate and she had spilled it all down the front of her clean shirt I had just put on her.  By this time it was 9:50.  I planned on having the kids clean and happy by 9:30 so I could put them in front of the TV to watch the last half of
Sesame Street so I could sneak away for a shower.  Only 10 minutes left of Sesame Street.  I turned it on anyway, gave the kids some fruit snacks and left them under the watchful eye of Elmo while I took a quick shower.  No time to shave my legs today.  (Sorry, J!) 

10:00 – I was only interrupted once during my shower and it was L letting me know my phone was ringing.  I think that’s a new record.  I got out of the shower and opened the door.  I was greeted by a very unpleasant smell.  I threw some clothes on and changed T’s diaper with my hair dripping down my back.  He was in that diaper a total of 20 minutes.  Then I changed both of the kids’ shirts.  When I took the diaper outside I saw that T had gotten all the magnets off the refrigerator.  I managed to tiptoe through them and picked them up while I checked my phone message.  It was our builder.  The painter was at the house and wanted me to pick out the trim color.  Could I swing by the house to verify the color?  I looked at the time.  How could it be 10:20?  *sigh*  Back to the bathroom where I blow-dried my hair,  plucked my eyebrows and threw on some lip-gloss and mascara.  Only the high priority items today.  I did not want to look like a stay at home mom while I ran errands.  But, I threw my hair into a ponytail, in spite of my good intentions.  I made a mental note to make a hair appointment for this weekend.

I told L we had to go by the house and then make a stop at Home Depot.  “Mom!  I thought we weren’t going anywhere today.”  “Sorry, honey.  Some things came up.”  “Home Depot smells.”  I got the kids all bundled up and right when we were walking out the door my phone rang.  It was J wanting some inspiration on decorating the auditorium for the Easter services this weekend.  “Doesn’t K normally do that?  Oh right, she’s left the church.”  I told him I’d brainstorm and get back to him.  I took one last look at the mess in the house and sighed at the sight of breakfast dishes still in the sink.  Those would have to wait until later.  I managed to get the kids out of the door by 11:00, but T took his time getting into the car because he wanted to play in the snow.

11:00 – I got to the house, talked with the painter, got back in the car and drove to Home Depot.  I scored a race car cart for the kids upon arrival.  They were pretty excited about that.  I spent longer than expected at Home Depot talking to the sales rep about blinds.  T kept asking me for candy.  He must have asked me 25 times, at least.  “T, I don’t have candy.  I can’t give you what I don’t have.”  “But, I’ve been a big boy.”  “I don’t have candy!”  They were both pretty grumpy by the time we got to the car.  It was past their normal lunch time so I made a detour to Burger King.  I didn’t get home until 1:00.

1:00 – I got the kids inside and set up with their kids meals.  I turned off the coffee pot (oops!) and I ran back out to the car to empty it of the trash that was piling up in there.  I came back in and started a load of laundry.  During laundry time I was interrupted three times.  #1 time…T spilled his milk.  #2 time…”Mom!  What do robots eat?”  #3 time…”Mom!  T’s eating my French fries!”  I snacked on the kid’s meals and picked up fruit snacks and cereal off the floor and vacuumed the front room and hallway.  This time I only had two interruptions.  #1…”Mom!  T got applesauce on my sock!”  “Then take your sock off and put it in the dirty clothes pile.”  I later found that sock on the kitchen counter.  #2…”Mom!  T’s dipping his snake in the applesauce!”  Sure enough, T was dipping his toy snake into his applesauce and “painting” my chairs with it.  I stopped vacuuming and cleaned up that mess.  While I was doing that, T managed to smash his finger in the door of the closet.  After a round of “boo-boo kisses” I managed to finish the vacuuming and spray the kids’ floor down with Febreze (allergen reducer, of course, no thanks to the previous tenants and their pets).

1:30 – I checked my email and spent about 10 minutes on the net.  The kids wanted to watch some TV so I turned on 64 Zoo Lane.  T couldn’t watch it unless I cuddled with him so I held him for 20 minutes while we watched the show.  Actually they watched the snow.  I gazed out at the falling snow and was trying to remember if it was spring, yet.

2:00 – I started another load of laundry and played a couple games of Candyland with L.  She kicked my butt in that game.  She won her first game before I even got to Gumdrop Lane.  After that, we all spent some time coloring together.

2:30 – I changed T’s diaper, again, and put him down for his nap.  L wanted to play her computer game so I took advantage of the quiet to read my Bible, meditate and pray.

3:00 – I put L in my room for some quiet time and I turned on Dr. Phil with the intent of folding the clean clothes while I watched some TV.  The phone rang and it was a friend of mine that I hadn’t heard from for a long time.  We caught up for 45 minutes.  So much for getting any work done.

3:45 – J came home.  He came home early because he needed to work tonight.  We talked.  I sorted through mail.  He helped L with a computer game.

4:30 – I left to go back to the house with the blinds and paint samples.  I had a tough time making a decision so I called Mom and asked her to come over and help me.  I think we made some pretty good decisions.

5:30 – I got home.  J had cleaned the breakfast and lunch dishes out of the sink and fed L.  T was still asleep.  J went back to work and I woke T up.  I fixed T and I some macaroni and cheese for dinner.

I’ve spent the past couple of hours messing around with the kids and the computer.

So what did I do all day?  Not a whole lot of much.  I’m looking around the house and it looks just like it did when I woke up.  This morning I swore I’d get up by 6:30 to get some things done before the kids woke up, but that just didn’t happen.  I guess I’ll start on that tomorrow.

How do stay at home moms do it?  I walk into some of my friends’ homes and they are immaculate all the time.  I don’t get it.  Maybe I don’t make cleaning my house a priority.  My high school English teacher always told us that we will always find time to do the things that are important to us.  I always find time for quiet time with God, a shower and play time with the kids.  I know that those things are good for us.  But, where do I find time to exercise and clean my house?  I’ll try again tomorrow.  I will get up early.  Maybe someday I’ll receive the SuperMom award.  Yeah right, I’ll get it all together right when the kids enter college.  For now, I am being challenged to another round of Candyland.

Well said, Rick Warren.  That was a great interview.

I really, really want to sign up for one of those P.E.A.C.E. Plan missions.  I wonder if our small group would be interested in doing that.  If not…we’ll have to get a new small group.  LOL!  I desire to go to
Africa and help out those precious Rwandan and AIDS orphans.  My heart and arms literally ache for those innocent little children who were so tragically left without parents.  I wonder if I could bring some home with me.  We’re building a new home and we definitely have more room now for little bodies.  I could provide a safe home, healthy food and a loving environment for these children.  My kids are always begging me for more siblings.  Can I bring some home with me?

O.K.  So, my husband guessed almost every one of those movies.  Actually, he looked at the list and said, “What’s your obsession with Julia Robert’s movies?”  The ones he didn’t get are from movies we haven’t watched together.  So, I’ve gotta try to stump him.  I’ll make sure they are all movies we’ve watched together, but I’ll try to avoid Julia Robert’s movies.  Here it goes…

 “Mom, are you gonna marry Justin Matisse?”
“Oh, honey, I’m not planning on getting married again for along time. What, you don’t like Justin?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that…”
“What is it? You can tell
me.”
“I just don’t want to be known as Bernice Matisse!”

“I find the key is to think of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It’s amazing how the day fills up, and I often wonder, to be absolutely honest, if I’d ever have time for a job; how do people cram them in?”

 “I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don’t know. If I’d just… I could have got more.”
“Oskar, there are eleven hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.”
“If I’d made more money… I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I’d just…”
“There will be generations because of what you did.”
“I didn’t do enough!”
“You did so much.”
“This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people.  This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this.  I could have gotten one more person… and I didn’t! And I… I didn’t!”

“Are you saying you’ll flunk us if we don’t change the world?”
“Well, no. But you might just scrape by with a C.”

“What the hell is happening?”
“I blew up the building.”
“Why?”
“Because you made a phone call.”

“What do you want, Mary? Do you want the moon? If you want it, I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for you. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”
“I’ll take it. Then what?”
“Well, then you can swallow it, and it’ll all dissolve, see… and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair… am I talking too much?”

“Were you going to say goodbye? Tristan? How long will you be gone?”
“Not long. A few months.”
“I can make it better for you.”
“No.”
“If we’d had a child or if I were pregnant, would you still be going?”
“Yes.”
“Just give me a chance.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Look at me. Please, look at me. I’ll wait for you. However long it takes. I’ll wait for you forever.”

“Hello, Peter. What’s happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports.”
“Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it.”
“Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?”
“Yeah. I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The problem is, I just forgot this one time. And I’ve already taken care of it so it’s not even a problem anymore.”
“Yeah. It’s just that we’re putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that’d be great. Alright!”

“We sat and drank with the sun on our shoulders and felt like free men. Hell, we could have been tarring the roof of one of our own houses. We were the lords of all creation. As for Andy - he spent that break hunkered in the shade, a strange little smile on his face, watching us drink his beer.”

“You dolt. You think my son would be that stupid; he would bring my diary all the way back here? (pause) You didn’t, did you? (another pause) You didn’t bring it, did you?”
“Well, uh…”
“You did.”
“Look, can we discuss this later?”
“I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers.”
“Will you take it easy?”
“Take it easy? Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn’t fall into their hands.”
“I came here to save you.”
“Oh yeah? And who’s gonna come to save you, Junior?
“I TOLD YOU…[grabs a gun and shoots all soldiers dead]… Don’t call me Junior.”
“Look what you did. I can’t BELIEVE what you did.”

“Welcome to Indiana basketball.”

“I didn’t kill my wife.”
“I don’t care.”

“How can you do that?”
“What?”
“Look at me like you haven’t seen me every day for the last 13 years.”

“But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.”
“It’s overtime right now and there’s a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so…”
“Kangaroo song, kangaroo song,kangaroo song,KANGAROO SONG!”
“ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT! God you were normal yesterday!”

“Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?”

I wonder how many movies an average person watches in a lifetime.  I had too much fun finding some of my favorite quotes earlier.  So I thought I’d share more.  Maybe I’ve just got too much time on my hands.

“What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?”

“Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!”

“I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I’ve just been through one. Not my own, my daughter’s. Annie Banks Mackenzie. That’s her married name: Mackenzie. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never have imagined. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. Then comes the day when she wants to get her ears pierced, and wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. From that moment on you’re in a constant panic. You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing, and you know exactly what that one thing is, because it’s the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That’s the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her. It was just six months ago that that happened here. Just six months ago, that the storm broke.”

“You know those days when you get the mean reds?”
“The mean reds, you mean like the blues?”
“No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?”
“Sure.”
“Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away.”

“Focus dude…Dude?  Oh, hey. Dude, he lives.”
“Oh…”
“How are you, Jelly Man?”

“What?”

“Yeah, we saw you and we were like ‘whoa’, and you were like ‘whoa…’ and we went like, ‘whoa…’”
“What are you talking about?”

“You, Jelly Man, taking on the jellies. You’ve got some serious thrill issues, dude…”
“Oh, my stomach.”
“Hey, no hurling on the shell, dude, ok? Just waxed it.”
“Where am I, Mr. Turtle?”
“Dude. Mister Turtle is my father, the name’s Crush.”
“Crush, really? Well ok Crush, I need to find the EAC, the East Australian Current. Do you know where that is?”
“Dude. You’re riding it!”

“Of course I don’t have my underwear. I’m definitely not wearing my underwear.”

“I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?”

“They’re in the pocket of my jacket. Here.”
“I don’t want them back.”

“These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32.”

“Underwear is underwear, Ray.”
“My boxer shorts have my name and it says Raymond.”
“All right, when we pass the store, we’ll pick you up a pair of boxer shorts.”
“I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in
Cincinnati.”

“We’re not going back to Cincinnati, Ray, so don’t even start with that.”

“Gotta get my boxer shorts at K-Mart.”
“WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CINCINNATI OR WHEREVER!”
“K-Mart!”
“You know what I think, Ray? I think this autism is a bunch of sh**! Because you can’t tell me that you’re not in there somewhere!”
“Boxer shorts. K-Mart!”

“I’m a sexy man of God, and I know it.”

“Our love fern! You let it die!”
“No, honey, its just sleeping.”

“It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, I thought that my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought that his name was Dammit. ‘Dammit, will you stop all that noise?’ And, ‘Jesus Christ, sit down!’ One day, I’m out playing in the rain, and my father yelled, ‘Dammit will you get back in here!’ I said, ‘Dad, I’m Jesus Christ!’”

“I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.”

“You think I’m gorgeous, you want to kiss me… You want to hug me… You want to love me… You want to hug me… You want to smooch me… You want to…”

“Don’t disregard our traditions just because you’re subversive.”
“Don’t disrespect this class just because you’re married.”
“Don’t disrespect me just because you’re not.”
“Come to class, do the work, or I’ll fail you.”
“If you fail me, there will be consequences.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“I’m educating you.”
“That’s my job.”

“Look down the road to her wedding. I’m in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she’ll think, ‘I wish my mom were here.’”
“And my fear is… she won’t.”

I’m not usually surprised or shocked by much.  But, today I saw something I have never seen before.

I saw a homeless man holding a sign.  I glanced at it because I was at a stop light and I’m naturally curious.  His sign said, “Cash only, please.”

Huh?  That’s a new one for me.

“Get off my plane!”

“Bueller?  Bueller?  Bueller?”

“Um, he’s sick.  My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 flavors last night.  I guess it’s pretty serious.”

“Hey, is this heaven?”

“No…it’s
Iowa.”

(rofl…that one’s for you, J!)

“Phil?  Hey, Phil?  Phil?  Phil Connors?  Phil Connors!  I thought that was you!”

“Hi.  How you doing?  Thanks for watching.”

“Hey, hey.  Now don’t you tell me you don’t remember me, ‘cuz I sure as heck if I remember you.”

“Not a chance.”  (hehe)

“Ned!  Ryerson!  Needlenose Ned.  Ned the Head.  Come on, buddy!  Case Western High.  Ned Ryerson.  I did the whistling belly button trick at the high school talent show.  Bing!  Ned Ryerson.  Got the shingles really bad, senior year, almost didn’t graduate.  Bing?  Again, Ned Ryerson.  I dated your sister, Mary Pat, a couple of times until you told me not to anymore.  Well?”

“Ned Ryerson?”

“Bing!”

“Bing.”  (hehe)  “So did you turn pro with that belly button thing, Ned?  Or, uh…”

“No, Phil, I sell insurance.”

“What a shock.”

“Do you have life insurance?”

“I have a question.”

“Mmhmm?”

“Say we get into the cage, and- and, through the security doors there, and down the elevators we can’t move, and past the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can’t open-”

“Without being seen by the cameras.”

“Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that.  Yeah.  Say we do all that.  Uh, we’re just supposed to walk outta there with a hundred and fifty million dollars in cash on us?  Without getting stopped?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.  Okay.”

“You think he’s gone?  He’s not gone!  That’s the whole point!  He’s never gone!”

“Is this some radical new therapy?”

“You see?”

“I eat breakfast three hundred yards from four thousand Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous.”

(another one for you babe!  J)

“Where you boys from in the world?”

“Alabama, sir!”

“You twins?”

“No, we are not relations, sir.”

“The ash tray and the paddle game and the remote control, that’s all I need.  And these matches.  The ash tray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball.  And this lamp.”

“Here goes…I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling, while running a red light and speeding.”

“Do you have any books by Dickens?’
“No.  No, I’m afraid, um, we’re a travel book shop.  Er, we only sell travel books.”

“Oh, right.  How ’bout the new John Grisham thriller?”

“Well, no, ’cause that’s a- that’s a novel, too, isn’t it?”

“Oh, right.  Have you got Winnie the Pooh?”

“I’ll show you a sign.  Here’s a sign.  Alright.  Where is Seattle?  Right, where is Baltimore?  Daaaaa!  It’s right there!  Look, one, two, three, four, there’s like twenty-six states between here and there.  Now that’s a sign!  I’m outta here!  Goodbye!  Goodnight!  I love you!”

“You’re crazy!”

“That’s what everybody says, but, with all due respect, Miss, I’m not the one hanging off the back of the ship here.”

http://www.moviequotequiz.com/

My kids love this song.  My two year old looks at me and says, “I love you more!”  I say, “I love you more!”  Then he starts singing, “That the sun and the stars…you are mine and you shine for me, too.”

It’s pretty cute.

I love this song, too.  I like to picture Jesus rocking out and singing this song just for me.

Take a look at the mountain

Stretching a mile high

Take a look at the ocean

Far as your eye can see

And think of Me

Take a look at the desert

Do you feel like a grain of sand?

I am with you wherever

Where you go is where I am

And I’m always thinking of you

Take a look around you

I’m spelling it out one by one

Just a face in the city

Just a tear on a crowded street

But you are one in a million

And you belong to Me

And I want you to know

That I’m not letting go

Even when you come undone

I love you more than the sun

And the stars that I taught how to shine

You are mine, and you shine for me too

I love you yesterday and today

And tomorrow, I’ll say it again and again

I love you more

Shine for Me

Shine for Me

Shine on, shine on

Shine for Me

(Matthew West, More)

My husband dropped a bomb on me on Friday night.  He wants me to take over the finances and checkbook.  Huh? 

“I want to see if we’ll spend less money if you take it over.”

(Translation:  He wants to see if I’ll spend less money if I take it over.)

“I’ll mess it all up.”

“No you won’t.”

“It’ll end up like Raymond and the fake checkbook episode.”

“You used to do the books for a multi-million dollar company.  Why can’t you balance our checkbook?”

“Because the multi-million dollar company never got down to a $3.50 balance with no way of paying for groceries next week.”

*sigh*

We’ll see how this goes.  I’m willing to do this.  I think it may take stress off of him, I hope.  He may be more stressed with me at the wheel.

“The longer a person lives, the more he or she tends to dwell on the past rather than live in dynamic interaction with the present or be inspired by the hope of future possibilities.  If this is true for the individual, it also holds true for institutions that have an inherited corporate culture reinforced by each succeeding generation.  Furthermore, when changes in society are occurring at a rapid rate and in an unpredictable manner, the desire to resort to a protective entrenchment becomes even stronger.”

–Eddie Gibbs, ChurchNext:  Quantum Changes in How We Do Ministry

Is this true of church mentality?  Is this healthy?  Is this attitude going to impact culture, or does it create a subculture?  Does church exist to protect Christians from the outside world?  Are Christians just a bunch of scaredy cats?

Here’s the original model for church…straight out of the Bible:

(Peter said) “Therefore let all
Israel be assured of this:  God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.”

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.  And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

With many other words he warned them and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.”  Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common.  Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.  They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.  And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

(Acts 2:36-47)

Hmmm…..what a concept.

I am so sick and tired of the “country club” mentality I’ve seen in so many churches.  One stubborn old geezer to another, “Well, I’ve been a member of First Church of blah, blah, blah for over 60 years.  I was baptized here.  My wife was baptized here.  My kids were baptized here.  My grandkids were baptized here.  My daughter and three grandchildren were all married here.  I’ve been here longer then any of the pastors.  If this church stops singing hymns on the weekend service, I’ll do all I can to remove the pastor and if that doesn’t work I’m taking my membership and tithe elsewhere.  If the pastor doesn’t preach a sermon I like to hear, I’ll do all I can to remove him from his job and if that doesn’t work I’m taking my membership and tithe elsewhere.”  Is that why Christ came to die…so that people could get their happy sermon with a side of hymns?

What is up with naming a church First Church of __________?  Does that make them better then Second Church of ___________, or Third Church of ______________?

Sorry…off the subject.

Do you think that if churches went back to the way they were intended, that we would see these kinds of miracles that were referenced in Acts?  The fact that all the believers were together is such a foreign thought.  There are so many denominations that it would be impossible for all the believers to come together now.  We sit here and argue over trivial things and we take our focus off of our job.  Shouldn’t we be more focused on introducing our neighbors to Christ than whether or not speaking in tongues is evil?  Shouldn’t we be more focused on meeting the needs of the needy than whether or not we are “once saved, always saved”?  People write books on these topics.  What is the point?  Are they trying to divide Christians?  What a waste of time.

Church should be a safe haven for people.  Church should be a place where everybody is welcomed.  Church should be a place where physical, emotional and spiritual healing happens.  Church should be a place where we can go to experience God. 

Instead, I see the hurting come into the doors of the church.  They are taught to put a smile on their face, wear their best clothes and just read the Bible and all your problems will be solved.  Don’t talk about the abuse you’ve suffered, because that makes people uncomfortable.  Don’t talk about your addiction to prescription pills, because that makes people uncomfortable.  Don’t talk about your homosexual thoughts.  Don’t talk about your 25 sexual partners.  Don’t talk about your abusive spouse.  Don’t talk about your abortion.

Don’t get me wrong…I do think the Bible has answers for every question.  But, I also think it’s important that people invest their lives into the lives of others.  We need to help each other.  We need to be “Jesus with skin on.”  We need to be that listening ear for hurting people.  We need to be the ones who provide meals to the hungry instead of making the government do it.  We need to show love in every way possible.

I am thoroughly convinced that the statistics outside the church are the same inside the church.  Last week I heard Oprah say that 1 out of 3 women are emotionally abused.  If that is true, then 1 out of 3 women in the church are emotionally abused.  How come nobody is talking about it?  Shouldn’t these women be able to turn to the church for help?

I don’t know the answers to all of these questions.  All I know is that I’d like to see the church get off of its big fat butt and make a difference in this world.  STOP BEING SO LAZY!!!

Maybe I’m just an idealist.  Maybe this isn’t possible.