Am I There, Yet?

I ran into this entry at Don’t Call Me Veronica.  I thought it was interesting in light of my recent reflections on church.  Just wanted to share.

Sorry about the stupid quizzes yesterday.  I felt like I had to do something to feel normal again, and since I can’t talk very much I thought I’d do quizzes…’cuz that didn’t hurt my throat.

I think I have strep throat.  I’ve had it before, but for some reason it feels worse this time around.  I can’t talk.  I can’t eat.  I tried to swallow an Advil last night and it felt like a boulder was being forced down my throat.   I really just want to go back to bed, but Josh is at work and I can’t leave the kids alone upstairs.  I made that mistake yesterday.  Josh went to work at around 4:00 and the kids and I lay down to take a nap.  My daughter was up at 5:00 and my son and I slept until 6:30.  My little Miss Independent took good care of herself while I slept, but I did find the yogurt upstairs, which I wasn’t too happy about.  At least she was able to feed herself without my help.

Speaking of my nap…when I was falling asleep I swear that I heard George Bush (Sr.) speaking to me.  It was so audible and realistic that I said out loud, “What?”  I’m still trying to remember what he said because he didn’t repeat himself.  Then I remember hearing the microwave beep, which wasn’t possible because Josh wasn’t here and both kids were in their rooms.  The only drugs I took yesterday were Claritin and Nasacort in the morning and the Advil I took last night.  I’m amazed at how much a physical illness can affect my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

My mom is sick.  My dad is sick.  My son is sick.  My daughter is sick.  My husband isn’t feeling 100% either.  This is ridiculous.  My mom is concerned about my grandma.  If my grandma catches any of this, she’s not going to have the strength or energy to fight it.

Did I mention that this is so ridiculous?  We didn’t get sick at all last year and it seems as if we are making up for it this year.

So, I was joking with my girlfriends last weekend about how I don’t go to church anymore.  On February 12^th I was sick.  I was battling a sinus infection, so I didn’t go to church.  On February 19^th my son was sick.  He had a high fever, so I didn’t go to church.  On February 26^th I went to church.  Josh was the preacher that weekend.  On March 5^th I went out of town with my girls, so I didn’t go to church.  This was a planned vacation and was on the calendar for quite some time.  Today, March 19^th, I’m not at church because I’m sick again.  I’ve only been to church once in the past 5 weeks.  I don’t feel guilty about it because it’s purely circumstantial.  O.K.  That’s not completely true.  I feel about 10% guilty, but that’s just my flesh.  I don’t think the guilt is coming from God.

Being away from church has allowed me to reflect on the importance of it in my life.  Do I miss church?  Yes and no. 

I miss the worship.  Yes, people…I like the worship experience at our church and if I hear one more complaint I’m going to scream.  Whah whah whah whah whah…save it for somebody who cares.  Well, I won’t be screaming today, but when I get my voice back I will.  It’s an attitude, people!  If you have a worshipful attitude, you could worship God anytime, anywhere, with any style of music…or no music at all!  And who are you to judge other people using their gifts (that God gave them) to the best of their ability to worship Him?  People used to whine about low-quality worship…now people whine about high-quality worship.  It’s not about the quality of the musicianship…it’s about your attitude!!!  Argh!!!! 

O.K.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.

I miss seeing my church family.  I have a ton of great relationships in the church.  I love to see and interact with people at church.  I especially enjoy seeing the women that I go to Bible Study with at church on the weekends.  I feel a special bond there.  I love to have friends who are nothing like me.  I love to have friends who are much older than I am and who are at different life stages than I.  There’s something so fulfilling and endearing about it.  I love their hugs and smiles and questions.  They know where I’m at in life.  They don’t ask me the generic, “How are you?”  They ask me the specific, “How’s your son feeling?” or “How was your doctor’s appointment?” or “Did you finish knitting that shrug this week?”  J 

I don’t miss the busyness.  I don’t miss Josh always having to be here or there or figuring something out or taking care of this or that.  It would be nice to go to church and experience church as a family some times.  But, I guess that’s what vacation is for.  For 2 weekends a year, we get to pretend that we are normal and go to a church and enjoy it as a family.  It’s just too bad that we can’t do that at our own church.  I think it’s impossible.  We would have to wear signs that said, “Don’t bug me…I’m on vacation.”  I don’t think that would be appropriate.  We have to go elsewhere to be anonymous.  One time we were on vacation, but we were still in town, so we decided to attend a different church in town on Sunday so that we could truly be on vacation.  We were checking our daughter into her class and all of a sudden we heard somebody say, “Pastor Josh, can I speak to you for a minute?”  So much for anonymity.   We’ll wear a disguise next time we do that.  Josh would look cute in a thick mustache and beard.  LOL!!! 

I don’t enjoy going to church when church becomes a chore.  I don’t enjoy going to church when there’s tension and stress in a relationship.  It’s hard for me to sit there and try to focus on God and worship Him, when I know that certain people are angry at Josh or angry at me for whatever reason.  It’s hard to see them smile and say, “Hi!  How are you?” at church when I know they are seething at me or my husband on the inside.

Is our church perfect?  Of course not.  It’s not perfect because we’ve got people in our church and we’ve got people running our church.  No church is perfect because no person is perfect.  That’s why I don’t understand church hoppers because they’re just trading in one set of imperfections for another set of imperfections.  It saddens me when people judge God because of a negative church experience.

On a side note, I just heard a story about a pastor who was fired because of something he wrote on his blog.  It was a personal joke meant for his mother-in-law, but some people didn’t understand it and didn’t like it.  Apparently they were looking for a reason to get rid of him anyways, this was just the excuse.  But, it’s sad to me that people won’t allow their pastors to be human.  Once they catch a glimpse of their pastor’s humanity, they rush to judge him.  I’m so grateful to be in a church where people allow us to be human.  The best compliment of all times is from people who tell me that they forget I’m a pastor’s wife because I don’t live up to the stereotypical picture of the perfect pastor’s wife.  I’m grateful for friends who let me be who I am without judging me…well, most of them.  The others can sit on their judgment.  Their judgment is not going to change who I am…who God made me to be.

I’ll get to go to church for the next three weekends and then I’m off on vacation.  That’ll be 5 out of 9 weekend church services that I’ll miss.  That makes me laugh because that’s how often the average church attendee goes to church…once or twice a month.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”  Hebrews 10:23-25  (NIV)  I love how The Message puts it, “Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on,”  Is church just about the weekend services?  Of course not.  Are the weekend services important?  Yes, I think so.  It’s because of the weekend services that I get connected with people in my small groups (past and present) and it’s because of the weekend services that I get to worship with music with my church family.  It’s because of the weekend services that I’ve been able to meet people who have taught me how to connect with God and have given me tools to enhance my relationship with Him.  It’s because of the weekend services that I’m encouraged to continue on when life seems tough.  Do I always feel like going to church?  Of course not…but sometimes the most rewarding things happen when I do the opposite of what I feel like doing.

This is my last quiz for now.  I feel like garbage and I’m going back to bed.

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