Am I There, Yet?

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

Has it not been told you from the beginning?

Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers.

He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

“To whom will you compare me?  Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”?

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:21-31

Ironically, this verse was given to me last week.  I was having a rough night and was wide awake in the middle of the night so I spent the evening asking God all of the nonsensical ”why” questions.  I wasn’t getting anywhere with Him (or, so I thought) and so I decided to pick up my Bible to do some reading.  Granted this passage of scripture in Isaiah is a widely popular portion, but I hadn’t read it in a while.  I opened up my Bible…thinking I wanted to spend time reading some of the Psalms and my Bible fell open to the page with this passage.  I looked down at my pages in disbelief because it was as if they were written for me. 

I’m laughing now because little did I know I needed these words from God so much more this week than I did last week.  The questions I had last week no longer matter this week.  God knew this.  God knew everything that was happening…is happening…and is going to happen.

I was looking out my window this morning…not even knowing what to pray.  I have no words to say and don’t know how to pray at this point.  I was staring at the mountains and thinking about how beautiful they were, and yet, how small they are in comparison to the universe God created.  (From my window, I can see the two peaks on the right in the picture below.)  While I was looking at the gorgeous landscape I was reminded of the verse in Matthew 10:29-31, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I picked up my knitting needles again.  I’m working on a baby blanket.  Just wanted to show it off…

Here’s a close-up of the pattern:

Today is Josh’s birthday.  He is my best friend and my husband of 10 years.  This morning, he did what is so typical of him…he brought me breakfast in bed.  Yup…on his birthday, he brought me breakfast in bed.  That’s so backwards of normal people.  If it were my birthday, I would wake up thinking, “Somebody should bring me breakfast in bed.”  But, not Josh…he wakes up thinking, “It’s my birthday.  How can I make it special for my family?”

I was watching an Oprah show a couple of weeks ago and the guest was Lance Armstrong’s ex-wife.  This whole show was about how women lose their identities in marriage.  They kept throwing in disclaimers about how they are not anti-marriage…but kept talking out of the other side of their mouths.  It was really quite disgusting.  I didn’t lose myself in my marriage.  I am so much of a better person because of my marriage.  My husband has helped me discover who I am.  He’s challenged me to do more with my life.  He treats my like I’m a valuable princess.  I hope I treat him with the same amount of respect he treats me.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not about to write a marriage book.  I hate books on marriage…because what works in my marriage won’t necessarily work in others.  It’s about finding the dance steps and learning to dance with your partner.  It’s not about roles and formulas!

I got off track…sorry.

Happy Birthday, Josh!

I called my 3 year old “goofy” yesterday.  He said, “I’m not goofy!  I’m goofball!”

I’ll let you be the judge of that:

In case you were wondering…yes…he did bonk his head at the end of the video.  No worries…no bruises.

This is the only way to describe the day I had today.  I laughed.  I cried.  I made difficult decisions and hurt other’s feelings.  I’m worn out…I think I’m going to go see a movie…anybody wanna come with?

I got this in an email today from iVillage and said, “YES!!!  This is what I’m talking about!”

Blog Addict

When you’re bogged down with creating grocery lists, scheduling vaccinations and keeping track of play dates, it’s no wonder your brain feels like it’s overheating on a regular basis. Give yourself a mini-break every day (or multiple times a day) by discovering a blog that speaks to you.

When Internet addicts created blogs — the means for people to love, hate, share, confess, rant, whatever — the world became a cyberstage. Blogs are great because they’re like sanctioned snooping: They give you permission to pull back the curtain and peek into somebody else’s world. The topics, from politics to parenting, are limitless. Shop around for a blog that feeds you in some way, and check in regularly to give your brain that much-needed break from the daily grind.

Love gossip? May we humbly suggest our own Daily Blabber for all the latest news you don’t necessarily need but absolutely want — you’ll quickly get addicted to this everyday treat. And don’t miss Sanity and the Solo Mom for an entertaining and realistic take on raising kids single-handedly.

Know someone who still doesn’t know about blogs? Forward this.

What blog is your favorite guilty indulgence? Share it with us!

However…I’ve also discovered that blogging has brought about pain for some people.  I’ve heard of people losing jobs over what was written in their blogs.  I’ve heard of people who’ve been cyber-stalked in their blogs.  Most recently, I’ve heard about a pastor’s wife who got a spanking because of her honesty.  The story is that somebody in her church found her blog and poured over it and then wrote an anonymous letter of complaint…forcing her to shut down her blog.  This pathetic individual inappropriately judged her heart and then publicly humiliated her…in a very unbiblical manner…I might add.  I read some of the entrys that were supposedly questionable and they were so ridiculously clean I found myself confused as to why somebody would want to hurt her.  Why do people think that pastor’s wives are from a different planet and should behave, think and act differently without struggles and feelings?    

Why am I saying this?  Because it got me thinking about my own blog.  What’s appropriate to blog and what’s inappropriate?  What’s fine by me may be offensive to others…but, is the main goal of a blog to make everybody happy?  Is the main goal of my life to please everybody so that people can say, “Pastor Josh’s wife is such a wonderfully behaved woman…she is what all women should be.”  *snicker* 

Oops…there go my wings again.  Darn-it…they keep falling off!!!

Of course not!  God created me just the way He wanted to and knows my struggles more than anybody else does.  Do I have thoughts that are inappropriate for a pastor’s wife?  ABSOLUTELY!!!  Who doesn’t?  I’m growing and maturing (I hope) and there are opinions I have that may or may not change later on in life.  In fact, I like to challenge the status quo.  I like to throw thoughts up on the cyberstage that might challenge somebody’s opinion. 

I love blogging and I think I’d be sad if I had to give it up.

So…whoever’s reading this…please don’t send a letter of complaint to my husband’s boss.  I don’t want my husband losing his job over this.  Oh…wait a minute…never mind…my husband won’t have a job in about six weeks.  Maybe I should write a letter of complaint about my own blog…and then Josh wouldn’t have to be at work all day long for the next 6 weeks.  *wink*

Sorry…was that inappropriate?

Speaking of pastor’s wives and blogs…I get a kick out of The Rebellious Pastor’s Wife Blog.  If you get a second you’ll have to check out the entry from April 17th.  I got a giggle out of it.

Just a little light-hearted jab from Savage Chickens:

It’s one of those days.  I knew they’d come…but, I hate it when they hit me.

I was looking forward to coming back from Seattle because I knew my week was going to be very light and quiet.  The only thing I had on the calendar was Bible study on Tuesday morning.  As soon as we got into town our daughter sweetly said, “Shouldn’t we stop and say hi to Grandma and Grandpa?  I think they probably missed us.”  Of course we couldn’t disappoint her.  While we were there we were invited over for dinner after church on Mother’s Day…so we spent Sunday afternoon with my parents as well.  On Monday the kids and I spent the afternoon at the park with a girlfriend and her kids and then Monday evening a girlfriend came by and dropped off one of her kids and picked up my daughter and took her to church for the AWANA carnival.

Tuesday morning I went to Bible study and got to hang out with some friends and then I went out for coffee with another friend while yet another friend watched my kids.  I got a phone call last night (at 10:30 PM) from a friend who wanted to meet me at the movies for a late night movie.  I didn’t go, but only because Josh talked me into watching a movie with him.  He says that he’s seen Pride and Prejudice one too many times and that I owe him one. 

This morning I met another friend at the park with our kids.  After that I took my kids to the dentist where the hygienist was also a friend of mine.  She hadn’t heard the news that we were leaving, yet.  After the dentist appointment, I dropped my son off to have lunch with Josh and took Lilly to Red Robin where we met my mom for lunch.

Tomorrow I’ll be watching my daughter’s friend all day and Friday I have plans to walk the butte and have coffee with some girlfriends…followed by more time at the park with some other friends.  The kids will be spending the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house on Friday night and Josh and I are going out with some friends. 

I’ve been invited to a baby shower on Saturday afternoon and over to a friend’s house for dinner after church on Sunday.

Whew…so much for my quiet week!

I said all of that to say…I’m so depressed!!!  I’m throwing a pity bash.  I’m so sad that my life is going to dramatically change in a few months.  I’m feeling sorry for myself that I won’t be getting those 10:30 at night phone calls for movie night.  I’m so sad that I don’t have friends to trade kids with anymore.  I’m so sad that I won’t have friends who nag me about exercise.  I’m so sad that my kids won’t have Grandma and Grandpa around to have sleepovers with.

This is the first time in my life where I’m surrounded by amazing friends…friends I can call at the last minute because I want to go out for coffee…or to the park…or to the movies.  I’ve got friends who have watched my kids overnight when Josh and I go out of town.  I’ve got friends who don’t gossip about me behind my back.  How do I know?  Because I’ve never heard them gossip about each other behind their back.

I went to my room to pout this afternoon.  My 5-year-old found me and asked me what’s wrong.  I told her, “I’m sad that we’re moving away from my friends.”  She said, “But, we’re not moving now…you can still see them for a couple months.”  Profound words from my daughter.  I told her she was right and then she said, “Maybe someday we can move back here and go to our church again.”  I told her that we would have to wait and see about that one.

I was talking with somebody yesterday and she told me that when she first moved here she was extremely lonely.  She surrounded herself with people…but never made a real connection.  She recalled waking up one morning with full-on depression…unable to get out of bed.  She said she cried out to God asking Him for a friend.  He told her that He wanted to be her best friend.  After that hit her and she focused on Him…all of a sudden she found herself surrounded by friends.

As I head towards my period of isolation I want that attitude.  I don’t want to waste opportunities to grow in Christ…nor do I want to waste opportunities to hang out with my girls when I’ve still got them around.

I’m fastening my seatbelt and going along for the ride.  It’s so hard not to be in control.

I love you, girls!!!!!  XOXOXO

Yikes!  I’m way overdue on the blogging thing.  Now, I have so much to blog about I’m a bit overwhelmed.  I’ll start with the beginning.

Last weekend at church we announced to our church family that Josh is resigning as of this summer.  He’s been a pastor here for almost 8 years and for the past 18 months we’ve been feeling a bit of a discontent.  I don’t want to use that word because it’s a negative word and this hasn’t been a negative experience.  Maybe the word restlessness would be more appropriate.  Either way…there’s no word to describe what it is that God is doing.  It’s more of a sense of something in our hearts and God has definitely been forming us for the ministry He has in mind for us.  This is really hard to explain to people because if they’ve never sensed God’s moving in their lives they have no clue what we’re talking about….especially when things don’t make logical sense.

It makes sense to stay here.  We have great friends.  My parents and grandma moved here about 4 years ago.  We moved into a beautiful new house a year ago.  Josh is working on his master’s degree and he’s got a nice comfortable job.  This is a gorgeous part of the country and people are moving here from everywhere.  Why would we abandon all of this?  Hmmmm…that’s a good question.  A better question would be “why are you quitting your job this summer without another job firmly in place?”  We are willing to abandon all of this because of the sense we’ve been feeling from God.  We don’t know what He’s got up His sleeve.  He’ll reveal it in time.  We’ve actually been dealing with this sense for 18 months now but haven’t felt released from our current position until a few months ago.  And, it’s not like there aren’t any prospective jobs.  We’ve been having conversations with several churches across the country and are really spending a lot of time asking God exactly which direction we should go.  I believe He’ll reveal that in time, too.  I think He’s not revealing it just yet because He likes the fact that we are spending a ton of time with him…listening for His voice.  I like this fact, too…there’s nowhere else I’d rather be at this point in time.  Now, if we’re still in this position a year from now…I might start to feel a sense of desperation. 

We’re excited about this journey.

Knowing that we’re leaving has been sad for me, though.  I’m finding that my time is spent differently.  I’m trying to spend as much time with my friends as possible.  I take different roads around town when I’m headed somewhere…just to soak in the scenery.  I don’t want to miss a thing.  Last Friday we took the kids out to brunch at Westside Bakery and then decided to go for a drive.  Our 5 year old always wants to know where we are going and what we are doing.  She wasn’t satisfied with our answers.  We told her we were going on a drive.  She wanted to know where we were headed.  We told her that we had no destination.  She wasn’t satisfied with that.  I finally told her that she’ll know where we are when we get there.  Her constant questioning drove me crazy, “Where are we going?”  “Where are we going?”  “When are we going to get there?”  I couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t just enjoy the journey.

Then I realized I’ve been doing the same thing to God.  “Where are we going?”  “When are we going to get there?”  “What are we going to be doing?”  God’s just telling me to enjoy the journey and let Him drive.

So…we’re going to take it one day at a time.  We really don’t have a choice in this matter…but a friend of mine has been reminding me lately to “choose your attitude” and that’s what I’ll be doing.  It’s really not that difficult because all of this is exciting to me.  I love meeting new people and love visiting new places.

We just spent the week in Seattle last week and had a lot of fun.  Josh had a conference to go to and the kids and I tagged along and played.  Josh asked our daughter what she thought of Seattle and she said, “I like Seattle.  I’m thinking about moving here.” 

We stayed downtown and had a view of the space needle from our room.  Our three-year-old said, “It looks like Buzz Lightyear’s Spaceship!”  One night we had the TV on and were half watching something (I can’t even remember what) when a commercial came on for another one of those ridiculous apocalyptic end-of-the-world type movies.  It was one of those teasers that showed major buildings being destroyed and one of the landmarks they chose to destroy was the Space Needle.  Josh looked at me and said, “Was that the Space Needle?”  I got up and looked out the window and said, “Nope…it’s still standing!” 

On our way home, we (of course) took a different route.  We took the kids to see Multnomah Falls and then continued east to Hood River where we then cut across to Mt. Hood.  It was a gorgeous day and we’d never been on that road before.  Hood River is an adorable town and the views of Mt. Hood from the other side are amazing.  It’s like seeing the mountain for the first time all over again.

I have much more to blog about…however the weather is gorgeous and I can’t stay inside for too much longer.  I’m so behind on blogging and email!  Our hotel wanted to charge us $9.95 per day for internet access…so I chose not to blog…’cuz I’m so cheap!