Am I There, Yet?

I’ve been avoiding blogging because I’m still trying to put my thoughts together.  Last Sunday was our last weekend at a chuch that’s been a huge part of our lives for the past 8 years.  It was almost surreal…

I remember driving into the parking lot for the last time and realizing that it was the last time.  I told myself, “No tears!” and laughed, because this was an easy thing to say while listening to Rascal Flatts singing ”Life Is A Highway!”  LOL!!!  This wasn’t so easy later on.

Josh preached three times and right after the third time, he told everybody that he loved them and then walked off the platform.  It was at that moment I realized the curtain had dropped.  Well, not literally…we don’t have a curtain on stage.  But…it was the end.  The last time I would sit in that auditorium with that group of people.  Finished.  The finality of that moment hit me hard and I couldn’t help the tears that welled up in my eyes.  It didn’t help that I was sitting next to two close friends at that point.  Ack…I hate crying in public!

Sunday evening was fun.  We had a big neighborhood block party at the church.  We had a live jazz band, excellent food, lots of large toys (jumping castle, jousting ring, sumo wrestling suits, water slide) and a smoothie & cotton candy bar.  Our chef said he served at least 330 people. 

I love the people in our community.  We’ve had such a wonderful experience here…not always easy…but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  We’ve grown a ton and growing is not easy.  We’re leaving behind some amazing friends.

What’s next?  That’s the question everybody is asking us.  We have options…we’re just not ready to make a decision just yet.  Our plan is to take a 40 day sabbatical.  We’re going to turn off our phones and computers and leave town.  We’re going to spend some quiet time away from life.  We’re going to spend time with God and each other.  We’re going to pray for a fresh vision and passion to fulfill God’s vision for our life.  We’ll be praying and fasting and meditating on God’s Word.  We’re believing God to reveal His plan during this time away. 

Please pray for us as we begin this exciting new journey.  I hope we’ll be able to visit an internet cafe or two along the way so I can update my blog.

Until then,

Love and Prayers

A girlfriend of mine was reading my blog and was surprised to hear that I have mountain views from my dining room window.  She and her husband came over one day and she asked him, “Did you know that they have mountain views?”  He said he didn’t.  The reason this is significant is because he’s the one who built our house.  He said, “If I would’ve known they had mountain views I would’ve charged them more for the house!”  LOL!!!  Well, of course they couldn’t see the mountains that day either…because the sky was overcast.

Well, dear friend…here’s a picture of our mountain views:

The picture doesn’t do them justice.  They are considered “peek-a-boo” views in the real estate world…but I find them beautiful, even if they aren’t unobstructed views.

While the mountains are beautiful, I found a better view out my windows this morning.  This picture was taken through the glass…because I didn’t want to disrupt the beauty, but here’s a picture of my husband sitting outside studying his Bible and my daughter (who just wants to be near him and just wants to be just like him) sitting at his side practicing her letters:

This view won’t be mentioned in any real estate magazine…but it’s worth far more than any expensive view.

One of the things I inherited from my dad (besides my cowlick) is severe allergies.  A few years ago, I decided to finally see an allergist to find relief.  The first thing the allergist did was a scratch test.  He scratched my arm with different allergens to find out what I was allergic to.  He told me he would check on me in approx. 10 minutes, but that the test typically takes 20 minutes.  He came back in the room in about 10 minutes to check on me and started to freak out.  He kept saying, “Oh, my goodness!  Oh, my goodness!”  He called his nurse in to get rid of the allergens on my arm.  She gave me several shots of something and began frantically washing my arm.  My allergist then started to call his entire staff into the room.  “Have you ever seen a reaction like this?  Come look at this!”  I deducted at that point that my test wasn’t normal.  You see, every single item he placed on my arm gave me an allergic reaction.  I asked him, “So, what am I allergic to?”  He replied, “Everything!  Cats, dogs, grass, horses, trees, weeds, pollen, you name it.  You’re allergic to EVERYTHING!”  Great.

My allergist then tried to talk me into getting the shots.  I opted out of that only because my insurance didn’t cover it.  I’d have to go in three times a week to cover everything I was allergic to.  Also, I asked several people who had them done and some of them said it worked and others said it didn’t.  My general doctor said he knows people who had the shots and still have to continue to take medication.

So…I’ve opted to just use medication when my allergies occur…which is fairly often.  I have a sinus infection approximately 3 to 4 times a year.  I usually take Claritin-D12 and a nose spray for relief of my allergies.

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house.  They have 4 dogs and my asthma started to act up.  I didn’t have an inhaler with me, so I left my family at my friend’s house and ran to the nearest Safeway.  This was on a Sunday night and the pharmacy was closed.  Well, I can’t buy Claritin-D12 without the pharmacy open (because any product with pseudoephedrine now has to be purchased through the pharmacy with a valid driver’s license because of the meth problem) so I had to settle for regular Claritin and nose spray.  Claritin doesn’t really do that great of a job with me…but it’s better than nothing.  When I was checking out the checker asked me how I’m doing and I said the standard, “I’m fine!”  She looked at me and looked at what I was purchasing and said, “I don’t think you are!”  Thanks…did I really look that bad?

Well, since then, I haven’t had a chance to pick up some Claritin-D12…and wouldn’t you know it?  I had a major allergy episode.  I woke up at 4:00 AM on Tuesday morning and immediately knew my allergies were bothering me.  Everything from my shoulder up ached.  My head pounded.  My ears hummed and were bleeding.  My throat hurt.  My eyes hurt.  Even my gums hurt from the pressure.  I got up and blew my nose…only to find a cotton ball sized chunk…oh…sorry…was that too much information?  Anyways, I got up and searched for some Claritin-D12 and couldn’t find any so I settled for the regular Claritin and nose spray I bought a few weeks ago.  I miserably lay in bed for an hour before I could get back to sleep and I slept for 2 hours after that.  I got up and still felt miserable, but I promised my kids I would take them to go see Curious George (the free summer movie).  I took a shower and got the kids ready to go.  After we piled in the car I turned the key and got nothing.  My car wouldn’t start.  This is the second time I’ve had battery issues in two months.  I called Josh and he showed up to rescue us in time for the kids to get to see their movie.  It was miserable.  I had to sit in a dark theater for an hour and a half watching a dumb movie when all I wanted was to be at home in bed.  After the movie, I went home to grab some more nose spray and then headed over to a friend’s house.  I felt like a party pooper because I was so grumpy and miserable. 

I got home and felt even worse last night.  After spraying my nose again and getting no relief I took a generic sinus relief tablet.  It was a non-drowsy sinus relief tablet.  It helped a little bit with the pain, but I lay away the entire night.  The last time I noticed on the clock was 3:15 AM.  I think I did fall asleep a little bit after that point, but woke up feeling miserable again.  I talked my husband into running down to the pharmacy to pick up some Claritin-D12 and, of course, he rescued me for the 2nd time in two days.  I took some Claritin-D12 (which normally keeps me awake) but was so exhausted that I fell asleep on the couch.  Thankfully, the kids have been wonderful all morning and have entertained themselves.  If this were a gig that I got paid for, I’d probably be fired for sleeping on the job this morning.

Anyways, I just wanted to whine for a bit. 

Since I’m married to a pastor, I find myself using every situation as a learning situation.  For example, I told Josh last night that if I could just chop my head off…the rest of me would feel fine.  So, here’s the question:  Can anybody tell me what scripture application I thought of after saying that?  I want a reference, too, please! 

Just some little facts:

Less than 2 weeks until my husband is unemployed  (12 days)

0 weeks left of women’s Bible Study

1 more Sunday at church

0 more small group meetings

1 big party (save the date…Sunday, June 25th PM)

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this:

Feb. 13 - You won’t catch Muffy Mead-Ferro at a toddler fitness class. When it comes to enriching after-school activities, she’s not ferrying her kids to traveling soccer or French lessons either. She lets them amuse themselves in a mud puddle in the backyard instead. This Salt Lake City mother of two says she isn’t feeling a shard of guilt about her choices. “We’ve raised the bar too high on parenting,” she says, “And squeezed out all the fun. Someone has to say, ‘Stop the Madness’.”

Read the rest here.

We went to the rodeo this afternoon with some friends and had a blast.  After the rodeo we went over to a friends’ for BBQ.  To top it off, we won 4 tickets to a Lee Ann Womack concert.  That means we need to be around in August.  If not, I’ll give the tickets away…first come, first serve.  I just wanted to share this picture because I thought it was so adorable.  Here are the kids with some of their friends:

Here’s some of the action:

Late Night With David Letterman was there shooting footage.  I’m not sure what they were looking for or when they plan to show it…but I’ll be watching.

Just one more first for me.  I’ve never been to a rodeo before this year.  I also went to my first hockey game last December.  I can’t tell you which I liked better…both had potential for lots of blood and gore…

Oh…lighten up…I’m just kidding!

Just some little facts:

3 weeks until my husband is unemployed  (21 days)

1 week left of women’s Bible Study

3 more Sundays at church (counting this weekend)

0 more small group meetings

1 big party (save the date…Sunday, June 25th PM)

…that’s all folks! 

Yesterday I was watching my kids play.  My daughter got upset at something my son did and decided to shove him.  This is unacceptable behavior in our home, so she found her rear in the “time-out” chair.  My son wasn’t satisfied with my choice of discipline, so he went on a power trip and walked over to the stove and turned on the timer.  He turned around and authoritatively told his sister that he set the timer for 100 minutes and that she could get off of time-out when the timer beeped.  She immediately reacted by screaming at him…which is also unacceptable behavior in my house.

What both of them failed to realize was that I was still sitting in the room and I was still the boss.  My son could pretend he’s the boss…and he did a pretty good job at it…however, that doesn’t make him the boss.  My daughter erroneously believed my son was in charge and failed to look to me to save her from the 100 minute time-out.  Both of them took matters in their own hands.

I got to thinking about this interaction later.  I was reading through the book of Romans.  Romans, chapter two, is a great chapter to read through about allowing God to judge the hearts of others and asking us not to take over His job.  Romans 12 tells us again, to let God take care of things…we just need to do our part, keep our focus on the ultimate goal and not overstep the boundaries.  If we don’t do this…we lose sight of what God has for us.  Romans, chapter eight…is my all-time favorite of the week.  I was reading through it and thinking about times when we hurt others.  Just as my daughter hurt my son and had to pay the consequences…we hurt others and have to pay the consequence.  Unfortunately, my son’s reaction (revenge) was out of line.  I saw the original offense and took care of it.  It wasn’t consequence enough, in his eyes, and so my son tried to take matters into his own hands and add to the punishment.  How many times do we do this when others hurt us?  They hurt me and so I must react by _____(fill in the blank)_____, because they deserve it.  They should’ve thought about that when they did this.  I’ll show them!  We end up setting the timer for 100 minutes…only for God to laugh at us and our weak attempts to control the situation.

God says, “In your anger do not sin;” (Psalms 4:4a).  My daughter, added to the situation.  She got upset at my son…thinking he had more control than he really had.  She reacted in anger.  I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where anger is a sin…unless it leads to inappropriate action.  Anger is a real emotion, but we are asked to keep it in check.  Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

So…I continue to ask God to search my heart and remove all the ugliness.  I don’t want to play the part of my son and take revenge in my own hands.  I don’t want to play the part of my daughter and forget that God is in control and react in anger towards those who try to hurt me.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”  Psalm 51:10

This is what God is speaking to me about lately…what is God speaking to you about?

Have I mentioned what great friends I have?  I’ve got friends who love me, encourage me, pray for me, pray for my marriage, call me on my bad attitude and point me to God’s word when I get off track.  I really don’t know how to thank them.

I’ve been reluctant to blog lately.  We’re in the midst of a storm and I’m afraid that my heart isn’t in the right place.  When my heart isn’t in the right place I say things that I regret later on.  I’ve purposely placed myself in isolation this past week so I can prioritize my time and take care of the most important things in my life…my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband and children and my relationship with my friends…in that order.  I’ve been reluctant to even mention that life is difficult right now because I don’t want to appear to be asking for help.  I don’t want to fish for sympathy.  I don’t want people calling me asking me how I’m doing.  This isn’t about me.  We’re all in the midst of a storm…and many of us are focused on the wrong enemy and using the wrong battle weapons.  I’m talking about spiritual things.

I may have said too much already.

Anyways…back to my friends.  I got an email from a girlfriend last week with a link to an article from Lifeway.  It was so amazingly appropriate I wanted to share it.  It’s written from a pastor’s wife to pastor’s wives…but I think it pertains to everybody who believes in God.  Here’s the article:

My Faith Looks Up, by Jennifer Mathewson

I am blessed to live in the beautiful Appalachian mountains of East Tennessee. The majesty of the mountains never ceases to thrill me as I drive around a curve or over a hilltop, suddenly catching a panoramic view of God’s splendid creation. Almost always I find myself exclaiming aloud, “Oh! Look at the mountains!”

Maybe the wonder of that sight is always fresh because I have discovered that there are more days of obscured views than days of clear views. In the summer, a haze settles over the mountains. In the spring and fall there is fog and undoubtedly the winter brings low hanging gray clouds.

Each of these conditions hides the beauty of the mountains and yet I know that the mountains are still there. I know that my obstructed view does not change the truth of their existence. I also know that the parallels between the mountains and my faith are significant.  

There are days in ministry when I see the Lord so clearly. I hear Him speak to me in His Word. I sense His presence in my life. I am confident of His good plans for me and those I love. In those wonderful days when I catch a panoramic view of God’s graciousness, my heart so naturally exclaims His praise. But I have lived enough years as a pastor’s wife to know that the clouds will eventually roll in.
 
It is certain that there will be seasons of spiritual haze; a time of confusion about what the Lord is doing in my life. At other times a fog of unpleasant circumstances will settle in and I may not see the Lord’s face or hear His voice speak. And oh, the misery of those heavy gray clouds that can hover over a minister’s family; clouds of hurt and discouragement and spiritual oppression.  In these times, when my view of the Lord is obscured, I find myself crying out like the psalmist. (Psalm 77:7-9)

Will the Lord reject forever?
Will He never show favor again?
Has His unfailing love vanished forever?
Has His promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has He in anger withheld His compassion?

A crisis of faith such as this requires God’s Word. I cannot rely on my temporarily obstructed sight or obscured perception of the Lord. I must rely on truth. I must choose to exercise faith based on the promises of God rather than based on my feelings or my circumstances. The writer of Psalm 77 comes to this conclusion as well.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
Yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. 
I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds.

Certainly there are days when I cannot see the Lord’s face clearly. He is like the mountains. However, I am confident that He is still there … still sovereign, still wise, still loving, and still working on my behalf. My confidence rests in His timeless truth rather than in my momentary reality.
 
The fog and the haze and the clouds always lift in these beautiful Smokey Mountains and they will lift in my life as well. Yet even while they remain, my faith can look to the Rock of Salvation and I can exclaim with the psalmist,

Your ways, O God are holy.
What god is so great as our God?” (Psalm 77:13)

I tried to read this article through once and couldn’t finish it because it brought tears to my eyes.  I composed myself and again…the same thing happened.  I finally forced myself to read the entire thing and then let myself go.  I got up and walked to the window.  Sure enough, there was a haze over the mountains, but I could still see them peeking through…letting me know they were still there.  I haven’t seen them since.  Even now, I look outside and the sky is blue and the clouds are puffy white, but there’s an ugly gray haze covering the mountains and I probably wouldn’t believe they were there if I hadn’t seen them there before.

My favorite sermon I’ve ever heard my husband preach was this past New Years.  He preached through Psalm 77.  It was very significant chapter to me at the time and remains important…especially now.

Just wanted to share…thanks, friends!

If you liked that article…here’s another one that hit me hard from the same author.