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I got a phone call from my husband yesterday.  He told me he was at the DMV and needed me to sign a document so that he could get his new license plates for his car.  I needed to go back there anyways, so I threw the kids in my car and drove down there.  This time I made sure I had all the documents I needed to prove my existence so that I could replace my out-of state license.  I double checked the DMV website before going out the door to make sure I had everything I needed.  Last time I was missing my marriage certificate.

I felt like a pro this time around.  I knew exactly which line I needed to get into to get a number and where to sit to wait for my number to be called.  When my number was called I walked up to the counter and produced my marriage certificate along with all the documents I had previously brought.  This marriage certificate is the same document I used to change my now out-of-state driver’s license from my maiden name to my married name.  I also got my maiden name changed on my social security card with this same document.  It was good enough for Oregon.  But, I should’ve known it wouldn’t be good enough for New Jersey.  They actually laughed at it.  “It’s not even filled out properly…look at these blanks here.”  I patiently explained that the blanks were there because the pastor who married us was licensed in California and the blanks were for Oregon ministerial license numbers for pastors licensed in the State of Oregon.  This document is signed by the county recorder and sealed with the State of Oregon seal.  It’s also signed by me, my husband, our pastor and two other witnesses.  Not acceptable.  They want some person in Oregon (who has never even met us) to certify the document.  This random west coast person who is employed by the county we were married in is the only person who can verify my existence.

Strike 2

When the DMV employee handed back my stack of papers, she said, “You’ll need to call Ory…Oru…whatever that place is, and get a certified copy of this document.”  I said, “It’s called Oregon.  It’s one of those planets between here and Saturn.  Little green people live there and they hand out fake ID to everybody…just to confuse earthlings…as you can see.”  Sorry…I just lied.  I didn’t really say that.  I just politely smiled and walked away as I thought bad thoughts.

Josh already had his New Jersey driver’s license and license plates on his car.  I don’t.  I still have one foot in the past and one in the present.  Life is so much easier for guys.

I knew that changing my maiden name would prove to be complicated.

Who thought up the whole name change thing?  I bet it was a guy.  Can you see Mr. Caveman meeting Miss Prehistoria.  “You mine…you take my name.”  Then, Miss Prehistoria became Mrs. Caveman…and humanity has continued this tradition throughout history.  Perhaps the former Miss Prehistoria was thrilled to have the same name as her mother-in-law.

Of course there’s no easy solution.  If I don’t take my husband’s last name, then it gets confusing for the kids.  Some people solve this problem by hyphenation.  Mr. Smith marries Miss Jones and they change their last name to Smith-Jones (ore Jones-Smith) and have little Mary Smith-Jones (or Jones-Smith).  Then Mary Smith-Jones meets her neighbor, Joe Clark-Brown.  They marry and have Joe Clark-Brown-Smith-Jones, Jr.  This is really confusing…especially when the names are longer than one syllable.  Imagine poor little Abigail Richardson-Cooper-Watson-Howard trying to tell her pre-school teacher her name.

And who gets to decide which last names go first?  I can see the Smith family and Jones family fighting at the wedding reception about whether the first grandchild should be named Smith-Jones or Jones-Smith.

No…hyphenations don’t help much.  Whining doesn’t help much, either.  I just paid $7.50 for a county employee in Oregon to stamp a copy of our marriage certificate and mail it to us, so that I can go back to DMV.  I’m crossing my fingers the next time I go into that office.  They may be happy with the marriage certificate at that point, but who knows what else they’ll want at that point. 

A lot of bloggers are doing this, but I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon, too.

Click here to see my little Merry Christmas Dance. 

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

This was in the Borowitz Report in September…I thought it was appropriate…since the DMV isn’t on my “good” list:

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Bush Transfers Detainees From CIA to DMV

Will Wait on Line Until They Talk, President Says

President George W. Bush stunned the international human rights community today by announcing that he would transfer a dozen detainees being held in secret CIA prisons to the Department of Motor Vehicles in New York City.

While rumors have abounded that the United States was contemplating using the interminable waiting times at the DMV to force terror suspects to talk, Mr. Bush’s Rose Garden announcement was the first public acknowledgement of the plan.

“Effective tomorrow, these detainees will be forced to wait on long lines and fill out form after form for hours on end,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “If that does not make these evildoers talk, nothing will.”

Explaining the President’s plan, White House spokesman Tony Snow said that each terror suspect would be forced to apply for new drivers’ licenses, vehicle registrations and license plates “until they start singing like canaries.”

But hours after the President’s plan was announced, human rights groups around the world cried foul, claiming that detaining suspects at the DMV, especially the one in New York, was tantamount to torture.

“It is in our opinion that being forced to spend more than one hour at the DMV could be in direct violation of the Geneva Conventions,” said Carol Foyler of Amnesty International.

At the White House, Mr. Snow said that the President had other options for making detainees talk, including making them take turns as White House press spokesman.

“No one lasts in this job for long without snapping,” Mr. Snow said.

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I finally went to DMV yesterday.  I needed to transfer my license.  I can’t live with an out-of-state license for too much longer.  I’ve been avoiding this task and have no excuse for waiting so long. 

I don’t know anybody who has had a positive experience at DMV.

It was a half hour drive to the DMV.  I knew I had to get it right the first time, so I brought more than enough proof of my existence.  I was pretty confident that I had all the paperwork I needed.  I brought proof of my new address, my Oregon driver’s license, my social security card, birth certificate and a debit card.  I thought about bringing a blood sample, high school diploma and wedding pictures, too…but, I didn’t think they’d appreciate that. 

I filled out the forms and stood in line.  My number was called and I walked confidently up to the desk.  The lady looked at all of my forms and said, “I need proof of your name change from your birth certificate until now.  Where’s your marriage certificate?”  I said, “Marriage Certificate?”  She yelled, “Next!”

I wasted two hours of my life yesterday…never to be re-gained.  The DMV is the third place in the world I never want to go again.  #1 on my list is Hell (I’ve never been there and never plan on going) and #2 on my list is the dentist.

DMV could learn a lot from Starbucks.  Why does DMV have to be so scary and sterile?  I’m sure even the employees would appreciate some aesthetically pleasing upgrades.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have call-ahead reservations?  It wouldn’t hurt to play some pleasant mood-altering music in the lobby.  Plush couches and free coffee and donuts would be a nice touch.  Fresh flowers in the lobby would be an easy way to beautify the place.  Even paint color has been known to change a person’s mood.  A play area for kids would be a great way to help parents relax.  Even something as simple has handing out stickers, balloons and/or lollipops to kids who have to wait in line with Mom or Dad is a way to make the experience a delight.

It pains me to think that I have to take time out of my life to go back.  I just may bring my wedding album this next time.

This may be a morbid topic, but I saw something yesterday that depressed me.  It was a funeral procession.  I saw a hearse drive past with only three cars following it. 

Three cars.

It was the smallest funeral procession I’ve ever seen.

Who dies and only has a half a dozen people show up at their memorial service?  What’s their story?  Who were they?  How did they die?  Who knew him or her?  Who loved him or her?  Why didn’t anybody show up?  Were they lonely?  Were they happy?

Funerals always cause me to reflect on my own existence. 

How many people would show up to my funeral if I were to die soon?  How am I living my life?  Am I living it in such a way that I’m helping others…or am I living a selfish existence?

I don’t think the ultimate goal is to see who has the most people show up at their funeral.  Whether 6 people show up at my funeral or 6,000…God loves me and values me the same as the rest of his children.  However, I want my life to reflect God and I want people to say that I did my best to be obedient to Him and that I genuinely loved people and helped them.

At Church Planting Boot Camp I was asked, “What do you want written on your headstone?”  So I pose that question here.  Interaction time!

What do you want written on your headstone? 

(Comments please!)

I promised an update on our anniversary.  We had a lot of fun in the city, but I’m afraid we don’t have much to report.  It was a gorgeous day.  We basically just wandered around Mid-Town all afternoon and took in the sights.  There were way too many people around and we didn’t feel like standing in any lines to see the really great stuff.  But, we had a great time hanging out.

We got off the train and found ourselves in the middle of a protest.  The streets were blocked off and people were standing shoulder to shoulder.  We finally made our way over to Macy’s and wandered around there for awhile.  That place is huge!  I wanted to see Santa, but the line was too long.  We then walked over to the Empire State Building to find a 120 minute wait to get to the observation deck.  We decided we’d do that some other time.  We then made our way up 5th Avenue and did some window shopping.  We ran into more protesters in front of Lord and Taylor…they were showing PETA videos and chanting about murdered animals and fur coats.  We checked out the window displays at Saks and then wandered over to Rockefeller Center and watched people ice skate and checked out the tree.  We then made our way over to Times Square.  Before we got there, we decided to grab a late lunch at a Mexican grill.  We were finishing our meal and I noticed that some people outside the restaurant staring at something…some were taking pictures.  I looked outside and there was a garbage truck parked outside the entrance to the restaurant we were eating in…and it was on fire.  We quickly got out of there…but not before snapping a few photos…in typical tourist fashion.

I wanted to share some pictures:

Here’s me in front of the restaurant and truck.  LOL!!!

We weren’t the only ones taking pictures.  Some people asked some NYPD if they would pose with them for a pictures.  Here’s part of the crowd that gathered:

We thought this added a bit of “spark” to our day.  (Sorry…I couldn’t resist!) 

We then left the area and wandered through Times Square and then headed home.  Not too many exciting things to report…but, there’s always some action to be found in the city. 

I felt like this trip was a “warming-up” of sorts.  There are so many things to see and do…and lots of time to go and fully experience it.  I’m so exited about living here and am looking forward to the adventures that lie ahead.

Tomorrow is our 11th anniversary.  I’m so fortunate to have chosen a wonderful man to be my life partner, and I’m so glad he chose me back.  Josh is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him.  I’d marry him all over again given the opportunity to go back in time.  These past 11 years have been full of fun and adventure, and I anticipate the next 11+ will be even better.

We found a babysitter to watch the kids and have a few hours to ourselves tomorrow.  We’re heading into the city to hang out together.  We don’t have any real plans, other than being tourists.

So…here’s the big question:  If you had 3 or 4 hours to spend in New York City (with no kids in tow), where would you go and what would you do (keeping the Christmas season in mind)?

I’ll let you know what we decided to do later.

Anticipating your answers…

I’ve been noticing some of the differences between new home and old home lately.  The main differences have popped up on television.  For example, I was watching TV the other night and watching what I thought was an Albertson’s commercial with Patricia Heaton.  I was thrown off when an Acme logo showed up instead of the familiar Albertson’s logo.  The same thing happened with a Safeway commercial.  I was half paying attention until the Genuardi’s logo showed up instead of a Safeway logo.

I’ve noticed some other differences while grocery shopping.  I found myself in a grocery aisle surrounded by food I wasn’t familiar with and realized I was in the Kosher aisle.  That’s not a familiar site at old home.  Down another aisle, I found some Dryer’s slow churned ice cream with an “Edy’s” logo in place of the Dryer’s logo.  Best Foods Mayonnaise is now Hellmann’s Mayonnaise.  Bring out the Hellmann’s and bring out the best?!?  Doesn’t quite sound the same, you know?

I can handle all of the name changes.  I’m sure there are more that I’ll discover along the way.  However, I’m being a big baby about the biggest cultural shock I’m experiencing.  Are you ready?  This is so horrible…I can barely stand to type it.  O.K.  Here it goes…the closest Starbucks is 11 miles away.  It takes 25 minutes to get there.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?  It’s been torture.

I’m so used to Starbucks being everywhere.  At old home, I could always stop at Starbucks on the way to wherever I was going.  North, South, East, West…you name it.  At old home, there were 8 stores within a 10 mile radius.

O.K.  I can’t talk about this anymore…my blood pressure is rising.  I’ll type more thoughts on this later.

Just a quick update…we moved in on Friday and have no cable.  We won’t be getting it until next Tuesday, so from now until then, I have no internet connection.  Every once in a while I can locate a wireless connection somewhere around here…but, it only lasts for a very short period of time.  Is that stealing?  Please don’t throw me in jail!  I just want to say “hi” to my friends!  Of course, all of my girlfriends’ IM messages say that they’re unavailable.  Do you think that means they’re still in bed…sleeping?!?  GET OUTTA BED AND TALK TO ME!!!  Or should I say, “tOk” to me?  I’m really not picking up the accent…

It feels so great to finally be in a house.  Hotel living can be rough at times.  The main floor is almost completely unpacked.  I’ll be finishing that up today.  I can’t wait to show you my view from my back deck.  We have some dense woods right behind the house and they are gorgeous (or should I saw gowgeous?)  I love to sit in my kitchen and drink a cup of coffee and stare into the woods.  They’re not evergreen Pacific NW woods…so they are constantly changing.  Every season they’ll have a different look.  The first night here we had a storm come through and the sound of the wind in the trees was melodic.  We heard an owl outside our window a couple of nights ago and we always have a ton of birds flying around serenading us with song.  I’ll post pictures as soon as I get an internet hook-up. 

Our daughter had a few “firsts” these past couple of weeks.  She lost her first tooth.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  She was so brave about it, too…which goes against her character.  She said, “What’s this?  Is it my tooth?”  And that was that.  Those who know her know that she has the tendency to be a bit dramatic, but she wasn’t dramatic in this situation.  Another first is that she’s riding the bus to school.  There’s no great way to drop off and pick up kids at the school (there’s no parking) and the bus system is really great.  She has afternoon kindergarten and so the bus to school is full of kindergarteners.  Then, when school is dismissed, all of the kindergarteners are assigned “bus assistants” which are 5th graders who come down to the kindergarten classroom and find their bus partner and walk them hand-in-hand to the school bus.  Then, all of the kids have assigned seats (kindergarteners are in the front of the bus) and there are sweet older ladies who sit on the bus with them and act as hostesses and help monitor the kids while the driver does his/her job.  My daughter feels so grown-up and independent riding the bus.  She loves it.

On her first day of school, she walked into the classroom and one of her classmates looked at her and said, “Is this your first day of school?  Let me show you around.”  Then he grabbed her by the hand and walked her into the classroom and showed her where everything was.  The admin was speechless…she’d never seen anything like it.  It was so sweet.

People here have been so friendly to us.  Everybody talks about how rude people are in the NE and I haven’t found that to be true at all.  I think I already mentioned the lady at the bank who offered to teach me how to cook Indian food.  The other day a flower delivery came with a gowgeous Christmas bouquet.  My doorbell rang about 15 minutes after the delivery and it was the same guy who dropped off the flowers.  He had a concerned look on his face and asked me if I was Jewish.  I told him I wasn’t and he breathed a sigh of relief.  He said that he noticed I didn’t have any Christmas decorations up and that my husband’s name was Joshua.  He didn’t want to offend me by dropping off a Christmas bouquet if I didn’t celebrate Christmas.  People may come off as rude here, but if you’re nice to them, then they’re the nicest people in the world.  For example, Josh was talking to the lady at the cable company the other night and she liked him so much that she threw in a free digital cable upgrade and free HBO.  LOL!!!  Our neighbors have all been very warm towards us, too.  I think we’re the only white people in the subdivision.  This particular neighborhood is mostly Indian and Asian.  I love the diversity here and I’m so glad that I get to raise my kids in this environment.

Josh is preaching this weekend…his first sermon here.  If you’d like to heckle him you can watch him live online at the church website.  Service starts at 6:00, so it’ll be 3:00 Pacific time.  Email me and I’ll send you the website.

All for now!  I gotta get offline before I lose my illegal connection.